She Just Didn’t Say No…

The first look at her shimmering face gave rise to tingles, little neurons running helter-skelter in search of a destination- in search of your heart. Philosophers like to define it as love but what does an engineer think? We the behemoths of the ‘friendzone’ like to think differently. Love for an engineer is as frequent as low grades and as temporary like Miley Cyrus’s latest single (Oh Yes! She has ball(s), a wrecking one!)

But the question we like to ask- Why did she say no? A question that has more explanation than just bad luck or an ugly face!


This is where Chaos Theory plays a pivotal role (they don’t call it the ‘butterfly effect’ for no reason). Technically, chaos theory is defined as a field of study in which the behaviors of dynamical systems that are highly sensitive to initial conditions vary with even minute stimuli. Women especially when less in number tend to exhibit certain ‘strange attractors’ towards which there ‘sets’ converge. However, even though these strange attractors might be chaotic in the general phase space, they are not so chaotic after all when seen in the general environment. As described by David Ruelle and Floris Takens in their study on ‘strange attractors’, an attractor arises from a series of bifurcations in fluid flow (well…fluid…really?).

These bifurcations when superimposed on the general trend of being friendzoned should explain why you gasp when you look at particular guy with a really gorgeous girl retort “Him too?”, in such an instance don’t blame your bad looks or lack of bravado- blame chaos theory (or the scientists who had the time to create it!)

Now the question arises- How does Chaos Theory dictate why didn’t she just say no?

Discrete chaotic systems, such as the logistic map, can exhibit strange attractors whatever their dimensionality. In contrast, for continuous dynamical systems, the Poincaré–Bendixson theorem shows that a strange attractor can only arise in three or more dimensions. Finite dimensional linear systems are never chaotic; for a dynamical system to display chaotic behavior it has to be either nonlinear, or infinite-dimensional (wait..what?)
A closer look at the term dimension and linearity tell us something about how a woman makes a decision. If a girl has more dimensions (read: Looks, Brains, Money…you get the gist), her attractor will be more chaotic and subject to crazy and weird decisions based on the Chaos Theory (now we know the reason for the increasing divorce rate!). On the other hand, a linear system is more likely to take a more informed and simple choice. The attractor of a linear system will be attracted to more simple choices rather than pursuing a more chaotic behavior, no wonder we engineers can never get them DU girls.

Now some might argue that all this could just be random and might not confer to any theory whatsoever.
It really won’t be your fault if you think so because a very fine line exists between random behavior and one that is governed by the laws of chaos theory.
Scientifically speaking, it can be difficult to tell from data whether a physical or other observed process is random or chaotic, because in practice no time series consists of pure ‘signal.’ There will always be some form of corrupting noise, even if it is present as round-off or truncation error. Thus any real time series, even if mostly deterministic, will contain some randomness.

These corrupting signals really put your game off. For example: the dude college musician always gets the attention while the hard-working future Nobel Prize Winner (NOT!) might not get the requisite attention. These corrupting signals tend to pollute the minds of the women with noise, in this case belief of something they are not. (read: to all the girls out there- you are not Kate Winslet !)

So, how does one counter these random ‘signals’? The process is also outlined in our beloved science-

  1. pick a test state;
  2. search the time series for a similar or ‘nearby’ state; and
  3. Compare their respective time evolutions.

What does mean to the already heartbroken engineer? Step 1 clearly entails that you pick up a random event to show her that you care and if the reply is a mono -syllable ‘k’ consider it as a variable that will not change no matter what chaotic attractor you excite (yes, cakes and teddy bears also included -_-).
If that, step is clear and you are convinced that her phase space is open to external yet positive interference- you can move onto step 2. Research and study her current and neighboring time series, ask her best mates, look into her previous relationships- do what you can to find out what she likes and apply this to atleast 2 test systems (trust me options are the best deal!)
After you get definite results (and a lot of lunch money spent: P), you can compare the time evolutions of the multiple phase systems you had under observance. Post this you should get a positive result from atleast one system, if you get more than one positive response- study the dimensionality of the systems (as illustrated earlier to reach a conclusion as to which system will be most receptive to interference) .

And, even after all this you don’t get a response- welcome to the friendzone, mate. You earned it.


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