The Pleasure of Uncertainty

The wheels of time churn on and the future seems uncertain. The hour glass is ruthless and the sand fleeting yet the twinkle in the eyes refuses to fade away, refuses to give in to the brutal reality that is the present.


Even under this onslaught the confidence isn’t dwindling, I can manage to see the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that once was lambent now dons the blush of a nubile, newly wed.
To be honest, the future is uncertain, no one knows what is going to happen tomorrow but as I step onto the next major phase of life, I can’t help but notice not what all I have accomplished but the sheer amount I have lost. Friends forgotten, opportunities occluded, love lost. But I can’t deny the fact that how much I have grown as a person, from a brazen yet incapable seedling into a virtuoso yet humble tree, bending in front of opportunities and pardoning those that trample on it’s leaves.

But what I have gained most of all is the patience, the capability to oversee the small mistakes and incidents for the sake of the larger good and be able to steer through the most testing of times. Times when even your loved ones put you on the stand and question your motives and scrutinize your actions.  But patience always has and will come at a price, a price that like ‘The Merchant’ is paid in blood and flesh.


But you know the silver lining? We, as men and women, are hardwired to be comfortable under such a duress. We find chaos intoxicating, we are inherently masochists- some are physical but most are emotional. Our biggest drug? The Pleasure of Uncertainty. 

Personally, I have taken decisions that have embroiled me in worry and want. Worry of the present and the want of a better tomorrow but the tragedy here is while I desire a better tomorrow, I cannot seem to muster the courage to sever the bonds of yesterday and forge the pathways to my El Dorado.


I am so comfortable in the cobwebs of the present that I seek joy in the pains of today, rationalizing the wrong and neglecting the right. Once again the pleasure of uncertainty drowns me deeper into the ocean of indecision and makes my knees weak and spine invisible.

What I ask you learned men and women out there, is it so difficult to let go off of the past and embrace the future? Is it so difficult to take control of one’s life and for once bank on surety rather than a blank slate, on reality rather than uncertainty and fantasy? 

Think about it.



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