A Place For
Ever so often, I ask myself- Is there a place for people like me? And each time the answer is the same. Something I still haven’t fully been able to fathom or decipher but still hurts every time, every f***ing time.
I am frustrated beyond measure, having to beg people for attention and to be treated the same way as I treat them- with love and care but such is the irony of life that this exact harmless thing is the toughest to come by. I have nurtured every relationship with love, passion and care- only for it to walk out on me. I have tried to hold to even toxic relationships till the last fabric decays right in the grasp of my palm. Some say I do this because I am emotionally damaged. Am I? Is my incessant need to keep people around me happy an emotional disorder? Am I crippled by my own goodness?
I have had friends tell me right to my face that they are selfish and will do as they please and fancy and yet I trod on along the same path- of unconditional love and loyal friendship. This emotional firefighting leaves me drained and destroyed from within, the destruction which nobody can see, let alone fix. Am I not entitled to my fair share of love? Being rejected on a daily basis by my loved ones for even the smallest of desires has now become a marquee event in my life. Where have the ideals of sacrifice and love gone? It feels like I have been left one time-warp behind the rest of the people that I now walk toe to toe with.
I too sometimes wish that I had my princess in pearl white, that I find my knight in shining armour. Isn’t there is a place for good people? Or have we decayed the emotional fabric of this world so much that the only inhabitants of this wretched place can be evil people with no concern of regard for the emotions of others? I am confused and at the same time defeated. For once in my life, the light at the end of the tunnel is flickering and with each bout of pitch black robbing me of my soul- little by little. Each lonely breath that I draw takes away a little of my goodness away- as if the gravedigger is busy preparing his masterpiece, a prison for the mortal remains of a soul that would be trapped for centuries to come and be a testament of another battle that humanity lost. Another battle that materialism won, another battle spearheaded by selfishness and adultery, another battle orchestrated by the devil himself.
I am sorry that this rant has become so long but I had to vent this out somewhere and the only place and trick I know is through this blog and words. This article will rot in the vast expanse of the internet as my testimony-
I tried finding a place for good people but lost.