Doubt

Sometimes in life we are plagued with doubt about the future. Sometimes in life we are troubled with the thought of tomorrow. Sometimes in life we are scared with the remembrance of our past. This trepidation, this fear is all the holy giving of one and only one sentiment- Doubt.

Doubt is a lethal poison that nearly always proves fatal. The truth is that doubt eats away slowly at our best moments crippling us in the process, making us incapable of loving and cherishing the moments we have today. Sadly, faith is losing the war and doubt is headed towards a triumphant victory. But what we tend to forget that all that we do when captive in doubt is brood over what can happen and cry over what has happened.

It is at this time that we must show faith in our Acropolis. Everyone has one. A caring mother? A loving partner? A faithful dog? It could be anyone but faith is the key.

Doubt kills and faith restores, all we have to do is close our eyes and wait for it to pass and as my mother always tells me: This too shall pass, son.

Pass it will. Enjoy what you have now and leave the future to your better judgement and to your Acropolis. The energy will fix everything and if you truly want something, trust me someone out there is listening and your wish shall come true not because of divine intervention but because when we desperately want something so much then we do everything we can to hold it in our grasp and never let go. Have faith and don’t doubt yourself. You were better than you were yesterday and things are looking up. Be bright and believe.

Courage To Dream: Lies Unchained

An abused wife, a traumatized daughter, a depressed mother? What is the cost of dreaming? What does it take to have the courage to dream? Is one supposed to live a lie and a half life and not dream of something complete? Many times in life God gives us a chance to dream and change our lives the way we see it and it is at this point, we have to choose to either live the rut we are living or branch out dream, to suffer silently or have the courage to dream.

“So you’re always honest,” I said.

“Aren’t you?”

“No,” I told him. “I’m not.”

“Well, that’s good to know, I guess.”

“I’m not saying I’m a liar,” I told him. He raised his eyebrows. “That’s not how I meant it, anyways.”

“How’d you mean it, then?”

“I just…I don’t always say what I feel.”

“Why not?”

“Because the truth sometimes hurts,” I said.

“Yeah,” he said. “So do lies, though.”

Sarah Dessen, Just Listen

The Anatomy Of A Lie

A lie, though might seem harmless to you, can wreck havoc in someone’s life. Not because the lie was big or a gamechanger but because the cost of trust is very high and the person that trusted you probably will never be able to do so again. The cost of belief is one that we cannot repay. A lie is based out of a single understanding that people can be fooled and this understanding itself is fueled by sheer overconfidence over one’s ability to convince but what a liar forgets is that the greatest empires have fallen on the backs of perceived reality. It is this perceived reality that causes a liar to feel that nothing can go wrong in his plan and that he will get away with it.

There are several reasons why people tell lies: to protect themselves from punishment or embarrassment, to protect their own fantasies about themselves, and to protect the feelings – or, in extreme cases, the lives – of others regardless of the purpose, “the desire to assume control over another human heart is the basis of most human lies”

Ordinary language is an accretion of lies

Susan Sontag

The language of literature must be, therefore, the language of transgression, a rupture of individual systems, a shattering of psychic oppression.

Unlike in literature, however, lies in life create rather than shatter “psychic oppression” — especially in a culture where the deadly fear of being wrong drives an exponential tragedy of cover-up lies after even the most benign of errors, a culture that then takes noxiously gruesome pleasure in devouring its fallen stars with far too little intelligent reflection.

The Impact Of A Lie

Trust broken, love forgotten, joy mortgaged but most of all- a soul sold! The impact of a single lie can be life threatening and this effect is accentuated if the other person trusts you blindly. Imagine, your partner lies to you that they are straight but when a holy union is solemnized the truth surfaces. What does the victim do then? The lie that was thrust into the face of the partner hit like a rocket at the speed of light. That feeling in itself can be soul shattering but how does the partner cope up now under the pressure and shadow of such a lie, can that person ever trust again? Well, they must! They must have the courage to dream because while the impact of a lie might seem life ending it is nowhere as profound as the impact of a good memory, a good memory is worth a thousand lies combined.

The person must replace the lie with a positive memory, this in itself is called positive psychotic reinforcement. But now the question arises, should the lie be forgotten?

I could easily forgive his pride, if he had not mortified mine

Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

Should we forget?

No. This is the simplest answer I can give but to be fair there are more layers to this answer than a simple no.

We must fight for what is right because that is true redemption, sometimes certain lies are so profound and life changing that only revenge can soothe our souls. Now I know some people might disagree with me by saying that to forgive is divine but the truth is most of us are not divine. We are humans and we feel emotions. We feel betrayed, we feel loved, we feel ignored. We cry. And revenge alone can pay the price of these tears.

Now I am not a proponent of revenge but I stand firmly behind getting what belongs to you and if in the course of living a lie perpetuated by someone close to you, you end up spending some resource then we have to claim it back! Monetary? Get it! Emotional? Absolve! Both kinds of resources should be claimed back and only then can we expect to be set free truly.

So, don’t be a silent sufferer. Unchain the lies and have the courage to dream. Fight till you feel better not on the outside but on the inside!

The Cost Of Love

“It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.”

Andre Gide, Autumn Leaves

What is the cost of love? When does love become Pyrrhic victory, when does love stop ceasing to be carefree and relaxed and becomes a toll on both parties? When does the cost of love outweigh the benefits?

This question probably will never have an answer, since such is the intoxicating nature of this emotion that we never tend to see the other side of the coin, we ignore the red flags and continue on the path which would surely lead us to certain doom. But the point that bothers me the most, when does love start doubting it’s own existence, when does the cost of love become so high that love itself starts questioning it’s relevance?

The perfect relationship? Timing + communication x mutual attraction – emotional baggage = intimacy

Emotional baggage can be in several forms of commonly found emotions

What I want my learned readers to focus on is the last bit of the LHS. Emotional Baggage. This devastating rogue can disguise itself as memories and seem harmless, this can masquerade as experience but the truth is emotional baggage is never healthy and it is this parameter that pushes the cost of love beyond an acceptable number, where love itself becomes a loss making proposition.

Trust. Yes, trust is the most important aspect of one’s life. If you trust your partner and believe in them then there can be no external factor that can control the profitability of your relationship and you can convert this asset into a priceless one. Trust is that insurance policy that will always ensure that your investment viz. your feelings, efforts and emotions are safe. It will ensure that whatever you put into love gets doubled. And trust me this is no Ponzi scheme, it is the truth.

My readers know that I came out of a long term relationship and if that time has taught me one thing, it is simply trust. Now I was betrayed but does that I mean stop trusting? No! One failed stock doesn’t mark the stock market as failed. One bad instance should not force you to compare. Give your all and you shall reap the benefits, that’s a promise!

Trust is the cornerstone of every relationship

So trust your relationship, trust your partner and see your costs drop and profits increase. Your paycheque? A lifetime of peace and happiness!

But most of all, Trust yourself! Spread love and spread happiness. Let’s all be rich!

Different Ends. Same Beginnings.

Have you ever wondered what is the meaning of life?
Have you ever wondered what is the purpose of life?
Have you ever wondered what is the goal of life?

I, too have, spent endless hours trying to figure out the answers to the above mentioned questions but I always drew a blank. But a series of fateful events and a jolt of maturity later, I have to grasp some bits and pieces of knowledge in the regard and the same I wish to pass onto you, my readers.

Life is difficult, we all know it. Life is cruel, we all have experienced it. But we also know that life is forgiving and that life will always give a second chance to us, to redeem ourselves. And yes, life will always be just even if it seems awfully unfair at the moment. Life is always come-around-full-circle.

We must persevere through the tough times and aim to flourish when the time is right. It is with this belief that we all wake up every morning. It is with this hope we sleep every night, not knowing whether we will get up the next day or not. But we survive each day, each night and become stronger. Life is nothing but this. A survival game that is testing us at the tough levels and will become easier when we become acquainted with its vagaries. It is at this moment that life like any other game will prompt us to increase the difficulty level and it is at this point that we have to choose, easy or rewarding?

Do we want different ends but with the same beginnings?

Oh Sweet Revenge!

Advises ignored. Conversations neglected. Warnings shunned. But you know life is governed by the circle of Karma. You reap what you shall sow.

So here I am writing this, sitting at the cusp of revenge. A revenge- not engineered by me nor instrumented by me. But a revenge that is the cause of implosion, exactly like I had replayed in my mind several times over when that fateful day happened. I was quiet then and I am quiet now but this smirk that lights the corner of my lips is an enough indication that I am happy, gleeful rather. Cold revenge, delivered! And the best part? I didn’t even have to break a sweat.

Life is sorted and such a backtrack has happened on the events. The aggressor has now become the victim, there was a time not too long ago when my tears fueled someone’s laughter, when my pain was the basis for their joy. But now? Oh no! I am stable and in the best phases of my life and them? In pain and disharmony. To be fair, I saw this coming. As a Samaritan, I even called it out before all the ruckus happened that this was inevitable but did they listen to me? No. And so the penance must be paid in full.

Life is sweet and revenge is it’s marquee desert.

The Last Gift

A book. They say a book tells us a story, a story that otherwise we might not be able to live. It makes us travel to a world of fantasy and desires. It does so by embracing in the enigma of it’s world and covering us with the comfort of our own little space.

But what if that very book marks the end of an era? What if that book spells the end beginning of the end. What if that books puts a stopper to all that you held dear? Does a book still light up your desire? Does it still provide wind to your dreams? Or does it get reduced to a weapon of the devil? What meaning does a book hold if it becomes the last gift? Something that is a source of joy for so many, how does one react when it’s every page reeks of pain and remorse? How does one react when every page that you flip reminds of things that could have been and are not anymore? What if every syllable reminds of the moments that could have been? A book can bring so much pain.

The last gift, consuming you with memories and wants. The last gift- of pain.

The Trap Of Love

It is true that love is the strongest feeling out there. A feeling that entices and mesmerises, a feeling that causes are brain to release neurons like it’s stoppage time.

The Oxytocin makes us go crazy. But you know the truth? Often we promise love and don’t really mean it. Often, we promise a lifetime of togetherness but don’t really mean it. Often, we swear on each other but shake hands with Satan behind their backs.

Why has love become so trivial? Even love, like everything else, has moved from Kantianism to Utilitarianism. No longer are people treated as the end but rather are treated simply as means to satisfy personal interests. Like the shrinking social structure, morality has also become nuclear in nature. No longer do people consider multiple facets before taking a decision, the focus is now on self satisfaction. While I appreciate this change, the freedom associated with it troubles me. People now treat other people just as ladders, as temporary engagements servicing a larger goal. This trend is alarming because it is slowly changing are existing relationships to mere capitalistic exchanges of the barter system.

People now trade feelings and emotions. Physical touch and closeness has now been pushed to the periphery where its importance has been reduced to mere nothingness- an activity that holds meaning for the limited minutes it lasts for. My only worry is what happened to all the lovely moments of love and passion, what happened to everything before and the cute after? The fast paced nature of how relationships are progressing begs only a single question- Is it the trap of love?

True love is elusive and it’s beautiful. Is Cupid playing mind games? Diverting us away from the right path and into the dark by-lanes of Hades? Is everyone’s fate is of Hephaestus?

At this juncture, I wonder. Will an old-school like me find true love? Will I find someone who cares for me the way I would care for them? Will I find someone for whom my physical appearance would matter less than my heart. Someone who would value my care rather than my career. Someone who would desire my soul rather than my success. Will I ever find someone like this in this rotting world where even relationships now have an expiry date?

I will not surrender for I am a firm believer. I will keep trodding along and believing in justice of the almighty. My time will come. If you’re reading this, I will find you 🙂