A strange feeling creeps up my spine. Nothing said, nothing done. Yet this crimson haze clouding my vision refuses to relent. My Acropolis besieged, chimera ruthlessly murdered. This strange chill paralyses me as the Kerberos reaches for my singed soul.
Together yet lonely. Sentenced to an exile I didn’t deserve, given a gift I didn’t ask for. A gift that traps, enchains. Many may see this as random words stringed together without logical coherence but the soul doesn’t know the art of presentation, only the truth. Unfiltered, crass yet far-reaching. An arrow straight through the heart, shredding the fabric of what the mortal world defines as happiness.
They tell me I should be happy, I have years behind me. Years spent in joy and merriment but who knew bonds like their financial counterparts had an expiry date. My only qualm? Where is my ROI?
I ask you people in a similar holding, is time so valuable and an asset that needs a lock and key? Not to be shared with anyone but oneself?! Am I too idealistic to deserve a place on this godforsaken realm? Are my expectations to lofty?
These questions eat my insides corrupting not just my peace but my view about this world in general. This phase in life makes me cynical.
Sometimes in life we are presented with options, options to choose what is best for us. But such is the enigma of the human mind that the resultant decision is seldom logical and often hard to justify.
Chiefly, the aspect of choosing who one associates with is most concocted. Be it falling in love or simply a team member. People are deceitful and the human mind naive.
Sometimes we associate so much to someone or something that we make it our prime priority but it’s reciprocation is generally absent. And it is in this moment that one wonders whether his decisions were right or wrong but by then it’s generally too late. We get sucked into the abyss of emotion and be witness to our own fantasies passing through our fingers like sand. Nothing more than a fleeting fantasy.
If there is something that everyone should do is never to put their guard down because this makes one vulnerable, open to hurt but most of all, confused and distraught with pangs of being ignored, sidelined but worst of all- Forgotten.
Every morning sun that I see reminds of a face that I don’t remember. It beckons back to my memory, a time which I can no longer visualize. It reminds me of that cherubic face which has somehow been mutilated by the savage hounds of time. The barbaric intensity of the cogwheels of time has paralyzed my mind and fazed my sub conscious beyond recollection. Putting back the pieces of my broken soul will take an eternity but as they say Rome wasn’t built in a day, so be it.
All I know is that she deserves the best and that if she remains happy I will find happiness in the cruelest moments of my short lived life. Her breath has been my elixir till now but with her gone, her face is all I had but the unseen force took it away. Raped my soul and now all that remains is a burnt paradise and ruins of a once majestic self.
She never realized how much she meant to me but that’s how it is meant to be and shall stay the same. She isn’t coming back into my arms and nor was she ever there. My reality had been clouded by a colorful imagination which no longer stands by my side. I used to find solace in the tiny little memories of picturing myself with her happily ever after, but seems that will now only remain somewhere within the almighty’s grasp while I wither here in this cold and painful reality, strewn like a fallen angel and forgotten like an unwanted weed. But truth be told even weed is the alimighty’s creation. Agreed, I no longer serve a purpose but I too have a beating heart and an aching soul. Faintly, I lose my life and my vitals bottom.
But she is happy, laughing, like I never existed. My new life will start like this I never pictured.. All I did was sleep and dream. And I awoke to a ghastly reality something even my erstwhile powerful sub-conscious couldn’t picture.
The devil makes his move to recruit me, Lucifer calls my name out but I resist. I will not surrender till the last bits of her aren’t sucked out of my head.
Sacrifice. They tell me sacrifice of life is the most precious gift for a beloved, suits me too because at the fork that I stand-I have no mortal possessions to part with.
Where is he? Where is Satan? Does he not have outlets and franchise chains in every metropolitan? When distressed beings like me come searching, willing to sell their soul in return for one wish.
Norah, somebody told me was her name. India, somebody told me is where I belong. Lost, nobody can hear my cries.
Death now seems a better bargain than this aimless life. Norah..honor lost….I am weak….distraught……
Trepidation grips me. Paralyzing me from within, eating away at my soul. Fear of moving forward. Fear of hitting another dead end.
The missing shards of my life are nowhere to be found. Maybe seeking the Satan is a goal I can work on? The Acropolis has obviously forgotten about this mortal liability. Penance be paid for sins of another life, A life I just awoke from. I have no clue who I was, But her face? Her scent still lingers around me. Where are you?
Are you happy? Are you even alive? Why don’t you seek me the way I do?
Maybe the Satan has answers…
I move forward….weak…
My future dark and bleak…
The shards of my broken life….
The journey is too long….this search is full of strife …..
The sun was shining bright while the horizon bled scarlet, today was the day. Today she would take the decision, a decision that would decide the fate of my heart. I was madly in love with her, I couldn’t define the feeling to be exact-a friend told me it was love, I agreed. The truth is I couldn’t stay away from her.
The moment drew closer, she would finally tell me. My heart beat was frantic, pulse racing as a droplet of sweat coagulated on my forehead and made it’s way to the corner of my mouth. Salty. Apparently, the sweat wasn’t enough to hydrate my dry throat. I was afraid. Scared. Terrified.
What would be her answer? This question ate away at my soul.
The moment arrived and I am sure I must have passed out for a second or two. The area around me suddenly felt hotter and I was sweating. She seemed to notice something was wrong, she reached out to hold my hand and clenched it tightly as she whispered- “Yes…”
Did she actually say yes? Was she actually agreeing to be with me? I was elated and almost kissed her. Awkward….. I pretended I just wanted to hug her and surprisingly she didn’t mind as she lay into the hug and embraced me tightly. I could see people passing by and giving us a stare but we didn’t care at least I didn’t. She finally let go off of her hold and we just looked eye to eye. All I could see was an endless enigma, a different magic, a surreal charm.
She was about to go as I suddenly kissed her….I don’t know what got into me. I wasn’t thinking. She retracted immediately, she seemed startled. Again, she looked me in the eye….that enigma lost..the charm missing …all I could see was a question…
My first few steps outside remind me of Satan. My journey into the open world, paints a dreary picture. A picture of torment, a picture of despair. But without a definite vision, my life is guided by the bright light-commanding me when to stop and when to move forward. My patience is drawing thin.
A world I once had a glamorous niche in refuses to recognize me and she? She is nowhere to be found. She was the first face I wanted to see but I couldn’t spot her amidst the dozens of stunned faces. All of whom had the same question written all over their expressionless less faces-How is he alive? Yes, I live. Yes, I can walk the dusty road millions call home but I die within. I die without her by my side. I can still die for her, promise her to bring the stars but seems my frail body and aching soul defy my claims, raising a question . Who am I now?
I can’t feel the morning sun’s soothing heat..
I can’t smell the morning dew…
I am no longer handsome..desired…godly neat…
A shackled missing fragment….forget the past..Start anew
This world will be tougher to live in without her. The cogwheels of time screech to a painful halt. The pangs hurt me, binding me, stopping me from moving on. Her smile still is a vivid image in my head. Probably she is the only one I remember. Her face is the only thing I can recall.
Who am I? What is my name? Where do I belong? Am I even human?!
It was a stormy night as Ray continued to shuffle in his sleep. The rain-drops crashed against the windows of the shack that Ray called home. Located in New York was a tiny little studio that Ray had spent nearly all his teenage years in, always trying to make a name, to find a companion who could share his grief and help him get back on his feet.3 years had passed since he last saw his mother, as the wind continued its onslaught shaking the very foundation of the old clammy building. His Dad had never been there for him, it had always been his Mother but with her gone Ray was all on his own, alone.
Ray was a freelance designer, without a professional degree nobody paid much interest to what the boy had to offer, nobody gave a second look to his work, not that it wasn’t good but just that nobody wanted to take the risk of offering a job to a newbie. Nobody gave Ray a chance to prove himself. But that wasn’t the only problem that crippled Ray’s life, as the heaven wept Ray continued to shuffle in his sleep as if hiding a pain, a secret, a burden chaining a bubbly teen from taking flight.
He had 2 years to repay his Dad’s debt to the sharks or else they would seize the palatial house they owned in Beverly Hills, the last remaining memory he had of his Mother and the time he spent with her. Ray hadn’t always been in this despicable state. His Mother was a prominent event manager of Hollywood and Ray had seen the most lavish of times but such was the ruthless decree of the Lord, the very same child now scrapped three meals a day, as the screech of the heavens tore through a moonless dark night illuminating the sky for a second, a spark that was so much needed in Ray’s dreary life.
Ray opened his eyes, awoken by a phone call. Half-asleep he checked the time-2:30 A.M. “Who could be calling me now?” thought Ray. Nevertheless he picked up the phone. “Hello?” “Is that Ray Summers?” “Yes, speaking, go on please” “Sir, we have found something; you need to get down here ASAP” “Hello? But where…WHERE?!” But the only reply Ray got was static, a never ending static. Uneasiness crept over him, Ray began to sweat profusely, as a tiny droplet of pure rain struggled its way down the window pane.”Must be for some other Ray Summers”, pushing the thoughts of this unusual incident, Ray once again tried to sleep. Tried to forget his worries and sleep, once again remember his Mother, envision her halo watching over him. But it was all a dream, yet Ray so wished it wasn’t.